Disclaimer : When I'm bitching about something, especially another country, its usually because I'm prejudiced cos everything here flows like clockwork. And I am trying to be funny.

I always smile when I breeze through Singapore customs. It's so cool to have your fingerprint scanned and skip the entire queue. It's soo ... 1984. I'm way ahead of my flight so I chill outside the lounge until its time to do the security check. Once I'm well settled and finally waiting for boarding. I decide to use the free phone to prank call my BFF. I tell him that I have his grades hostage and he just goes WTF, they are not even out yet.

I get on my flight and fall asleep, this is about 1130. I wake up at about three thirty, stomach growling, it looks like I missed dinner since everyone is sleeping soundly and most people have a cup on their table. I reluctantly call the air stewardess. I ask her if I missed dinner, she looks at me strangely. I ask her if I can have dinner. She says animatedly, "Oh, no no sir. 30 minutes we serve you breakfast". Lol at 4 am? Must be macdonalds.

I finally get off that flight in a couple of hours. The Japanese airport is amazing. Everything is large and cavernous. This country is probably at the forefront of technology, they have AUTOMATIC BUTT WASHERS. I am serious. You press a button and this device washes your butt, and it has different modes. Amazing. But I happen to be in the toilet for a quick leak, I take two steps back from the toilet bowl. I wait for ten seconds for it to flush. Then I wonder how a toilet in Japan could malfunction. Then I wonder how a toilet in sophisticated Japan could require me to press a button. Then I look at the panel (with butt diagrams) looking for something that looks like a flush. I see a spray icon and it looks scary to press. A few minutes later, I discover that there is a 1906's hydraulic lever flush behind the toilet cover. I facepalmed and giggled out of the toilet.

Too many funny things happened. The ugly little baby next to me who cried her ass off throughout the 14 hours (I got pissed off, then I realised I did that when I was 2). The funny guys at immigration. The road trip back (there was this idiot truck driver who had "Impeach Obama" scratched on his truck), the stuff I see around me freaks me out. This country is in trouble if they do something silly like that. I mean, he's probably the best thing to happen to the world in the past half century.

Man, I'm funny.